Being the family reserve fund…

If you've saved well and others in your family or clan haven't, should you feel duty-bound to spend on their behalf? Well, here are some situations you could be falling into:

• Your mom just called again. It seems that because you and your husband live a lifestyle that is careful, frugal and paid-off, you 'owe' your brothers' kids gifts; you 'owe' it to other family members to go and visit, and when you 'fail,' your brothers call her and complain. They all seem to think that you should spend because you can.

• Or, no one on your side of the family talks to you anymore because you finally said 'No more' -- to thousands of bucks streaming from your bank account to theirs. The blood connection seems weakened and even the friendship goes low.
  

• Your mother-in-law expected you to let a struggling relative and his wife live in a property you own, for less than market rent. But you are planning to rent it to augment the expenses for your daughter's education.
  

• And, you know what it's like, too, when a family member is in financial crisis. You’re helping a relative now, with some amount here and there, when you can. It's intended on your part; You were asked directly only once, for help with a car problem. It may not be wise but you continue out of . . . guilt . . . sympathy . . . fear of them suffering if you don't help.

You begin to ask yourself if you have to bust your butt for someone else's gain especially when that someone feels like they only need to work 25 hours a week! You are fed up with being treated like the local ATM by family members who either expect gifts (the biggest gripe) or who need the occasional bailout.

What's outrageous is when the request is a demand, an expectation. "You have more money, so you should share it!" And it could be worse when that expectation threatens your own financial stability. What happens if you get consumed?

Whose fault is it when relatives expect a handout? Is it your responsibility to communicate what you are and aren't ready to do. Should you be forced to wear a "Reserve Fund" label?